[review] School Final

School Final
School Final screenshot
genre high school, slice of life
creator aoimi
summary Mr. potato head the VN

I kinda feel guilty for picking on some poor kid’s first VN, but School Final is just too magnificently horrible to ignore.

Story

Upon starting, you’re greeted by a black screen and a narrator informing you that:

First line of the VN

Wow, that’s pretty embarrassing — to have a spelling/grammar fail in the very first line. Unlucky too, what are the odds–

Don’t toke in school, kids

…errr, Yeah. That’s not actually the second line, but it’s a representative sample for the quality of writing throughout the VN. It’s fascinatingly terrible to the point of becoming very, very funny. Laughably bad spelling is even a plot point, but let me get back to that later. First, let’s talk about the basic plot.

As we’ve just seen, it’s the end of the school year and you’re tasked with creating a final project for your 10th grade geometry class. You end up making a chart/presentation together with your friend, Yu. You can try writing an essay or not working together with Yu, but that just leads to a bad end. The ‘goal’ is to maintain a friendship with Yu after graduating from school.

Unfortunately, Yu is retarded.

She suggests making a poster about ‘factions’ (fractions) as the final project for 10th grade geometry class. It’s accidentally spelled correctly at one point, but is otherwise consistently misspelled — without the ‘r’. This is not actually the spelling-related plot point I mentioned earlier. Through careful navigation of the morass of inane choices, eventually while working together on the geometry class poster, Yu asks you:

"How do you spell rectangal?"

Am I in some kind of dyslexic parallel dimension? How the hell do you get to tenth grade without being able to spell ‘rectangle’. Adding to the hilarity, your two possible responses to the question are "Rectangle" and "You should remember for college". Why yes, I agree it’s probably a good idea to memorize the spelling of ‘rectangle’ before attempting to enroll in tertiary education. You should probably know that before third fucking grade.

There are a few variants of the ending. Basically, you can tell Yu to sod off, pass the grade and never talk to her again (best end as far as I’m concerned). Alternatively you two can work together which leads to an A and being BFFs-4-eva, or an epic failure of a project resulting in a B (lolwut) and a broken friendship.

What’s wrong with today’s school system

The choices in School Final are terrible. Most are completely inane, quite a few are false choices, and there are generally just way, WAY, too many. Averaging just a line or two of text between choices, and maintaining that average over the length of the entire VN is bad to the point of becoming impressive.

Presentation

This thing is apparently female

Holy drunken wombat on a pogo stick what in the blazes is that thing Yu looks like some kind of ungodly cross between a zombie and a humanoid potato creature. Her skin is green! Why is her singular nostril smiling at me?

Backgrounds are pilfered from BASSnovel, note the watermark on the above picture. Music is a surprisingly decent collection of royalty free music by he who shall not be named. Not credited properly of course.

Conclusion

A++++ would read again.

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